Hello, Wolf Schnauzer reporting live from Monkey’s House. I’m a world-renowned journalist for CBN, Canine Broadcast Network. I previously was a main-stray at one of the biggest cable news networks. I became a household name sniffing out the facts in Iraq during the first Gulf War. Today, I want to hear directly from the mouths of their pups about their experiences at this world-class sanctuary. You all know about Monkey’s House, so let’s sit, and stay, as I ask digging questions.
Wolf: Michele, I love Monkey’s House and can’t wait to meet the sweetest dogs in the world. Who do you have lined up for me to interview today?
Michele: First, thank you for coming Wolf. (dogs start barking in the background)
Wolf: We’ll need to quiet this pack down a bit.
Michele: Quite down you guys, I didn’t say “speak”, I said Wolf. (wolf, wolf, wolf in the background again).
Jeff: Alright, one more outburst and no treats for a week! (you can hear a pin drop) Go ahead, Michele.
Michele: Wolf, we have three wonderful dogs for you to interview: Benny, Lexie, and Hercules.
Wolf: Benny, please give me an overview of life here at Monkey’s House.
Benny: Life is so good here Mr. Wolf. We get great food, lots of treats, and when I’m not walking on the beach with my paws in the surf, I’m basking in the sun in the softest of beds.
Wolf: Sound like paradise, Benny.
Wolf: Lexie, how are your experiences here with all your brothers and sisters?
Lexie: I just love our big family. Mom lets me nap on her all the time. Gives me belly rubs, special food, and did I mention - BIG treats!
Wolf: Hercules, you are one big boy. In fact, I heard your nickname is Big Head. I see how you got that name.
Hercules: Most thinks it’s because of my size. It’s because I’m so smart. Get it… I have a big brain!
Wolf: Um… Mr. Big Head, excuse me. Hercules, you can stop licking my shoes now. Well, that concludes our…
JJ: HOLDZ UP, holdz up justz a mintue! Not soz fast Schnauzy.
Wolf: I’m sorry, and who might you be?
JJ: Youz don’t know whoz iz is? Really? Somz world-class reporter. Iz strivz to be a lot likz you in da daily Monkey’s House updatz. Just da factz. Maybe iz should be likz Dan Lather.
Wolf: Sorry, but you were not on the list of interviewees.
JJ: Da news flash!!! Once again - iz gotz nuffin. Well letz me TELLZ YOU…
Wolf: I have no bones to pick with you JJ. You seem upset, now I understand what I’ve heard around the sanctuary.
JJ: Whatz youz heard?
Wolf: I hear you can be very difficult.
JJ: Iz not difficult. Iz miss understood. Letz me explain:
Wolf: Okay JJ, but as you stated - just the facts.
JJ: Inz the morning iz callin the sunspot, butz no, Benny getz the sunshine… I gotz nuffin.
JJ: When iz sitz on da couch for da picture… iz getz pushed to the back, basically gotz sat on.
JJ: Da walkz with da aunts… youz don’t seez JJ!
JJ: Lexie witz the biggest treatz, sharing witz Fish… dontz see JJ witz da treatz!
JJ: Dan getz the luvin arms aroundz… I gotz nuffin
Wolf: JJ, you have a complleing case. However, I’ve seen thousands of photos. I’m wondering if you specifically selected those.
(JJ nips Wolf Schnauzer’s hand.)
Wolf: In conclusion, Monkey’s House is a great sanctuary. However, the facts laid out by JJ do indeed seem to imply some rectification may need to be made on JJ’s behalf... at least according to him.
JJ: Thankz you Mr. Wolfz forz your visit… sorryz I nipped youz.
JJ: Iz finishz the reportin. Da famous Wolf Schnauzer said thatz Iz needs to getz somthin. Notz just some treats, somthin bigz… Iz talking - Really Bigz! Iz takin to da dad aside, and iz promize myself... this iz HAPPENIN!